Getting to 50/50

Getting to 50/50: How Working Couples Can Have It All by Sharing It All By Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober Bantam; 311 pages

A book for working mothers explaining why an egalitarian marriage is optimal seems obvious. Each spouse shouldering half the work is already the fantasy of most wives, particularly those with demanding careers. Who would argue with the proposition that a husband should lift a hand to do some housework or help a child with homework? So why preach to the choir when the men who actually need to read it--type-A husbands--are still at the office?

Because the goal remains valid. Meers (a former managing director at Goldman Sachs) and Strober (managing director of a private-equity firm in Silicon Valley) do an admirable job of building a case that a 50-50 marriage helps both partners. "We are two working moms who believe that everyone wins when men are full parents and women have full careers. When both parents pay the bills and care for kids, this life is possible--we know from experience."

In the first third of the book, the authors cite convincing studies that quantify the benefits of two working parents: to children, husbands and wives. (There's even a 2006 study that found that husbands who do more chores at home fare better in the marital bedroom.)

The rest of the book explains how to attain equilibrium. A good marriage is requisite; so is good communication. "Talk about who will do what as soon as you can--and make it a lifelong discussion." There are also husband-training tips. For instance, women should avoid being persnickety about exactly how child care and chores are done so that husbands don't get discouraged. "You have to accept how your husband does things or you end up doing everything yourself."

The message is a little mixed. Chores sound like character-building fun for men but like soul-deadening drudgery for women. Likewise, mothers are allowed to rhapsodize about their jobs, but hard-charging fathers who enjoy working round the clock are just selfish.

A book about achieving an equal balance of marital responsibilities is akin to one that promises speedy weight loss. You quickly discover that there is no magic--just discipline and eating your vegetables. For the couple who wants to split family life even-steven, it takes love, commitment and the ability to swim upstream, societally speaking.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1889173,00.html

Missy Style in English

I couldn't write here for a long time because of my ultra-complex life. Missy style is a blog that designed by a special lady -me :) - for developing writing skills in english. It's about my life, my point of view, my tasteful. A lot of people know that speaking and writing in a foreign language is very difficult ability, and you have to try and work for it for a long time, nowadays I am trying to work for IELTS and TOEFL exams and that's not so easy to find enough energy for it after a tiring work day. So I decide to create a blog to improve my skills in writing and so speaking. Hope and pray to be successful.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I wish ...
2009'll bring
the happiness, healthiness, lots of successful,
maybe a new job, a new life, money, baby, marriage,
or just someone loves you
for all of us.
Every dreams come true,
and
This will be the best year of your life...

Is It Healthy for Couples to Travel Apart?

So, are separate vacations a good idea? Ian Kerner, a sex and relationships counselor and the best-selling author of She Comes First and Sex Recharge, wishes more couples would take them. "I certainly think [separate vacations] would be an excellent trend because absence does make the heart grow fonder."

Still, many couples I spoke with wouldn't dream of going away without their mates. "Where's the fun in that?" asked one devoted husband. Another woman revealed that she used to vacation without her ex-husband all the time. "But," she confided, "only so I could cheat." (I think it's safe to say that marriage had issues beyond the odd solo trip.)

Far from being a symptom of a troubled relationship, Kerner says solo vacationing is often quite the opposite: "I think it's cool to be able to travel separately — it's an indication that you're in trusting, safe, secure relationship," he says.

"If you don't trust your spouse enough to have some separate time, then that should be examined, not why you would want to have a separate vacation once in a while," says Rogoff Moraga.

Another fundamental question is: Why do you want to travel alone? If it's to get away from a partner you feel is a burden or boring or otherwise not enjoyable to be with, then you probably need to take a better look at whether you're in the right relationship. But if your aim is to take a little "me-time" or to pursue activities and interests that you and your mate happen not to share, then there's no shame in leaving him or her at home. It's probably better that you do.

My most recent solo trip, however, wasn't nearly as much fun as the first. My boyfriend and I had made plans to spend a week in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, with another couple. At the last minute, he ran into passport problems that made it impossible for him to leave the country, so I had to go without him. Although the town was beautiful and the company entertaining, I spent most of the week missing him and feeling alternately cranky because of his carelessness in planning and depressed because I was the third wheel on what should've been a romantic vacation. So, it turns out, in some cases, vacations are a lot more fun when he's around.

http://www.time.com/time/travel/article/0,31542,1866861,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly